This blog is long overdue. This is my third blog since I have started blogging this year. It may also be one of my hardest blogs to write because it is too personal. But when I started this blogging venture, I made a promise to myself to be honest and faithful to the purpose of it.
Have you ever wanted something so bad in life? Have you ever wanted to be in a different situation? Well, this happens way more than you think. We want a better career, but it hasn’t happened yet. We want to live in a city with better opportunities, but it hasn’t happened yet. We hope to graduate college one day, but it hasn’t happened yet. We hope to one day own a home, but it hasn’t happened yet. We want to meet prince charming, but it hasn’t happened yet. For me, it has been in my heart to be a mom, and it has not happened yet.
It is one of those things I rarely thought about after I got married. I honestly thought it would just happen. During my early 30s, I had never really heard of anyone having difficulty conceiving. Infertility was a term that was not in my vocabulary. But when I finally realized that there was a problem, I sought out help and landed on the appointment book of a Fertility Specialist.
Have you every wanted something so bad in life?
I won’t go into all the details, but my husband and I have gone through several IVF attempts. We have come up empty from those attempts, but still continued believing God would grant us the desires of our hearts. I cannot tell you the amount of disappointments this dream has led us to. I can also not tell you the “crazy” number of tears I have shed on my pillow hoping my husband wouldn’t hear me. Mainly because I didn’t want him to worry about me. I often times questioned why we kept doing the same procedure after coming up empty time and time again.
I have gone through some highs and lows with each attempt, which I hope to share more in depth with the upcoming blogs. But for now, I wanted to share with you this dream that has yet to become a reality. I know I am an older woman, but I don’t let that stop me from dreaming. After all, we serve a mighty God that performs miracles, signs, and wonders.
As the Bible from Psalm 77:14 in the NIV reads “You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.”
I choose to believe in my God, the one who has performed many miracles then and in today’s time as well. I love how one of my favorite bloggers, Jane Johnson, writes her definition of infertility. She calls it “delayed fertility”. I choose to hold on to that.
In each of our personal lives, we may want something, and conclude that we will not be happy until it happens. So much so, that we make our life miserable or even have a negative outlook just because that something you’ve been dreaming about hasn’t happened. We don’t understand why we are going through these trials. I sure didn’t at the time of my trials. But I am reminded of this verse in the Bible in James 1:2-3 in the NIV which reads, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
Every trial has a purpose in your life. That purpose, in some cases has yet to be discovered. At this moment in time, I see all of my trials coming together for a purpose. A purpose to write. Something that I never in a million years ever thought about or dreamed of. In all honestly, I questioned my ability. Mainly because I am more knowledgeable and comfortable with Science and Math. But those negative thoughts are distractions, and I choose to believe I can do this!
Every trial has a purpose in your life.
When I think about how I started this blog, I am remembering the statements I shared in the 2nd paragraph. These statements were once my dreams that I desired to have. Today, I can reflect and see how those dreams have come to a reality. I have found the career I so desired. I have moved to the city I wanted to live in. I finally graduated from graduate school. I found my forever person that God sent to me to share my life with. Finally, I was able to live in the home of my dreams. Those dreams I yearned for and didn’t have at that season of my life did not break me. I did not let the lack of them hinder myself from living my life to its fullest. The key thing is not giving up and having the Faith in God that he will see us through it.
I love Hebrews 11:1 where it says “Faith is the evidence of things not seen.” Believing that it is so even though it is not here yet. Don’t wait to be joyful. Don’t wait to live your life until that dream happens. Choose to be joyful in spite of that pain. Choose to be your best in spite of not having that dream. Choose to live a life full of love and adventure.
Choose to be joyful in spite of that pain.
I pray that today my story blesses you and gives you a new perspective. I choose to live a joyful life in Christ. Even though my dream has not come to fruition yet. I hold on to that “yet”.
Choose to live a joyful life. Do not wait until this or that happens. Live now! You have a life to live, LIVE LIFE!
Ways I choose to Live Life to it’s fullest! Pictured below, 1st row-from left to right: my local fertility support group, serving at my local ministry with my beautiful friend Victoria, & reading in my spare time. 2nd row-from left to right: my husband Rick & I at South Padre Island, Texas, me goofing around with an organza tail for a kite, & spending time with my mom.